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PREPARING YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD TO EMBRACE HIS ADOLESCENCE CONFIDENTLY
Today’s Preparation Determines Tomorrow’s Achievement
Nature of an individual is God given which can not be changed but behaviour can be learned as it does not occur by magic or inherited. A well behaved child is not the result of sheer luck. Children learn good or bad behaviours.Be encouraged – if children learn behaviour, then children can learn to change behaviour.
We see children creating many challenging situations, occasionally amusing, often frustrating & sometimes embarrassing. Children are considered as a measure of parents’ success & worthiness. So parents are judged in the society by the behaviour & achievements of their children.
Have you ever observed people buy apples? It is held up to the light, examining the reflection, rotated to look for blemish & squeezed for firmness. Everybody wants the perfect apple.
In the same way all parents want perfect children. We want them to be happy & well adjusted, loving & respectful for others, well behaved & self motivated and independent. All parents have same goals & aspirations.
To reach upto these goals parents need to take pains on their children since childhood itself; following the fundamental that child’s mind is like dough of clay which can be moulded according to our wish.
We often hear from our grandparents & parents that they used to be disciplined rather over disciplined by their teachers at school & by father at home for the education & precious values in life. But now in changing era of economic boom & 1 – 2 child norm every child is a precious child, loved very much rather pampered at home & disciplined at school.
If we think retrospectively, a few queries arise in our minds – why doesn’t the discipline work the same way it did 20 – 30 year ago? Why don’t the old fashioned methods work? Why is being a parents so demanding & confusing? Our parents survived their adolescence, we grew up well then why can’t our own children do the same way?
The reasons being parenting has become more difficult because the childhood is more difficult. The children are under pressure that seeps down constantly from peers, school, media & parents as well. Thus this pressure on our children, may it be at subconscious level, translates into problems for us.
There are several changes occurring in our culture, our family trends have a tremendous impact on discipline and over role as parents. Our economy has created financial discrepancy. Parents, if both working, come home stressed, their fuse is short. In some cases single parenting whatever may be cause, is stressful.
Twenty years ago, everyone in the same town or neighbourhood had same values & beliefs. No matter where we went to play, the rules were the same. This is no longer true. Now- a – days every family has its own standards. So the children experience many versions of right & wrong which confuse them. Today’s problems are more complicated hence they require refined solutions.
Being a lovely child in the family child hood passes goody goody, but as she/ he enter adolescence the conditions are different. Teenagers are expected to be disciplined & well mannered. In the schools already the groups are formed as high & low scorers on the basis of academic performance; good & bad students on the basis of behaviour.
A few are labelled without their active participation in problem behaviour but due to just being with so called bad group of students.
This sudden change in the environment affects teenagers negatively. They become still stubborn & vicious cycle of misbehaviours sets in, as the parents & teachers tighten the discipline even more.
At this stage parents are wide awake as their child’s future is at stake. Hence before such circumstances arise why not to start preparing ourselves & our children to embrace their adolescence confidently!
Love Does Not Always Light The Way
It is true that, child’s mind is softer than that of teenager’s, so we need to mould their behaviours since childhood itself.
There are three promises that every parents needs to make to become more successful.
Promise to have courage – to be open & accept new ideas. If, what you are doing is working, stick with it. It not, then have the courage to by something now. Promise to have patience – plenty of patience. Child needs time to change, this is where we lose. We have gone from a few hours to 4 minutes photo, microwave dinners, telephone booths to cell phones which have conditioned us to expect instant gratification ion. Technology has taught us impatience. We believe that because we are trying a new idea, change should take place overnight. A few days is not long enough to test a new idea. Some methods may take weeks to show improvement.
Promise to practise – every parent must practise. Even me. My child does not car a bit that I am a health professional who takes care of other children’s health. When I am home, I am a mother. I get tested just like other parents. I have to practise too. There is no magic wand to make the things happen.
What can be done to change the child’s behaviour?
Children have tendency to continue behaviour when it is rewarded & stop behaviour when it is ignored of course consistency in parents reaction to a behaviour is important because rewarding & punishing the same behaviour at different times confuses the child. Parents should know age & developmental stage appropriate behaviour to differentiate between normal & abnormal one.
Physical punishment is less effective. Hence the useful strategy is to make them realize through stories that bad behaviour is not tolerated & good behaviour is rewarded. These are the learning skills that will last them a life time.
This is the proper age when a few good habitués can be cultivated in them like keeping oneself clean & tidy in both body & study aspect. One should be organised well. Here there is not chance for ‘like father like son’ because the habits are not inherited but the behaviour which is daily observed and undertaken becomes a habit. Hence sometimes parents need to change there own habits for their children.
Studies, competition, achievements, failures are unavoidable things in life. So to cope up with these & face them boldly is necessary to get happiness which is long lasting.
Along with this, proper eating habits, regular exercise & entertainment patterns should be practised in the family itself because what children observed other family members doing they start following the same. They should be encouraged to watch knowledge enhancing & purely entertaining programmes rather than horror shows or violence. As for as possible parents or grand parents should accompany them while watching T.V. & provide transition remarks like, ‘well acted’, ‘skilfully conveyed the moral’, ‘fantasy is good to watch but reality of life is different, ‘we should be nice to all’ etc. Children should be provided with proper explanation for the situation whenever needed and thus power struggle & no- win situation can be avoided.
Parents should praise their child often when he / she deserves it. But they should know that love does not always light the way. So let the children know where they have gone wrong but avoid criticizing in front of other people.
Some difficult children take more time & test parent’s patience to change their problem behaviour. Still parents should continue renewed system rather then punishment & maintain dairy of behaviours to see the gradual changes in the child’s behaviour.
After all, parents need to persevere as their children truly need them for a few years; these years do pass & most children survive them, in spite of bumps along the way.